Saudade
by The 2786 Project
Summary: He's not jealous. He won't lose her. He doesn't miss her. Saudade: a deep emotional state of nostalgic longing for an absent something or someone that one loves.


_you don't look at me in the eyes anymore_

_._

_you do but…_

_._

_._

_where did that look go?_

_._

_._

**..Saudade..**

* * *

When Tsuna bumps into Haru at the market, he braces himself for a bone-crushing hug (because Haru is actually stronger than she looks.) He whispers to his ears a silent apology (because she will hurt them with a loud 'Hello, Tsuna-san!' like the way she always has.) To his surprise, Haru just smiles at him and waves. "Hi, Tsuna-san." And that's it. There is no hug. There is no screaming or yelling. It's all very subdued. Tsuna stares and stares because Haru has never acted like this before. When she turns away, Tsuna quickly walks forward to catch up to her. "Haru, is something wrong?" He asks.

Something _has _to be wrong. In all the years Tsuna's known her, Haru has never been one to be quiet.

"No. Nothing's wrong. What makes you think that, Tsuna-san?" Tsuna examines Haru's face. She's looking at him with a puzzled expression and there's no sign of stress on her face. She just looks confused. "N-Nothing. I just thought you looked tired for a minute." Haru shrugs his explanation away. "Oh, that's why. What are you buying, Tsuna-san?" Tsuna takes a look at the wrinkled yellow post-it in his hand and deciphers the sloppily-written words. "I'm buying milk, fruit, bread, candy-c_andy? _I bet Lambo wrote that."

Haru pulls out a small notebook from her pocket and skims through her shopping list. "Let's see…Milk, bread, oranges, kiwis, grapes, tomatoes, pork and…" Haru's voice trails off and a slight hue of pink appears on her cheeks. She mumbles and Tsuna faintly hears a quiet garbled…something-kun. "Do you want to shop together, Tsuna-san?" Haru asks. Tsuna nods and she helps him buy the things he needs. In return, he carries her grocery bags when they walk out of the market. When they're finally out on the street, Haru takes the plastic bags back and thanks him for carrying them. He tells her that it was no problem and they go their separate waves.

Just as Haru is walking away, Tsuna looks back and studies her retreating figure. It's straight as always and she's walking with brimming confidence. He tells himself that nothing must be wrong because Haru doesn't seem worried or depressed or anything. She seems happy. Tsuna tells himself that her distant goodbye and hello is nothing to fret about.

When he gets home, Lambo greets him with a boisterous 'Tsuna, where's my candy?' Even though Lambo is nine, Tsuna thinks (not for the first time) that there aren't many differences between the nine-year old Lambo and the five-year old Lambo. Tsuna tells Lambo that he can't have any candy till dinner and walks off to the kitchen to drop off the groceries. In the kitchen, his mother is conversing excitedly with Bianchi. They don't seem to realize that he's there.

"I think marriage will be much easier for Tsuna," Bianchi says as Tsuna sets the grocery bags on the table. "Since he only has to pick one girl." Tsuna nearly drops the bags and exclaims a shrill, embarrassed 'Bianchi!' Bianchi turns his way and smiles. "Welcome home, Tsuna." "Forget that, what's this talk about me and getting married?" He demands. Tsuna's mother wraps her arms around her son and sighs. "Even if marriage will be easier for you, I'm still disappointed. Tsu-kun, you should have tried a little bit harder with Haru!" Tsuna is confused all over again. What does Haru have to do with marriage? What is Bianchi talking about? What is his mother talking about? "Haru told Bianchi that she's not interested in you anymore, Tsu-kun! I bet another boy must've won her over."

Surprise hits Tsuna hard and he's dumbfounded. Haru doesn't like him anymore? He never thought that he'd live to see this day. "Oh. I see. Well I hope the boy she likes is nice." He leaves the room and broods on the subject. Tsuna's not disappointed. He's just…surprised. He figured that Haru would've always liked him. But she doesn't. She doesn't like him anymore. It would explain her subdued behavior towards him earlier. Tsuna shrugs and heads to his room.

Okay then, he tells himself. Haru doesn't like me anymore.

_Okay then._

* * *

The next day, Tsuna goes to the park with Gokudera and Yamamoto. As always, Gokudera is riled up and yelling his head off and Yamamoto is smiling and laughing at Gokudera's words. And as always, Yamamoto is on Tsuna's left and Gokudera is on Tsuna's right and Tsuna is between them. When they walk past the park's entrance, the three see Haru and Kyoko on the swings. They walk over and Yamamoto and Tsuna chorus their hellos while Gokudera stays silent.

As always.

"Tsuna-kun."

"Hi, Kyoko-chan."

"Hi, Yamamoto-san. I haven't seen you for a while. Gokudera-san, stop slouching, will you? When you become an old man, your back will be all bent and messed up. Oh, hi Tsuna-san." Tsuna is only mildly surprised that Haru hasn't greeted him first like the way she always has. She no longer likes him after all. Gokudera scowls and fires back a couple of words at Haru and she counters right back with a few words of her own. Yamamoto laughs and tells her 'Didn't we see each other yesterday?' and she and Yamamoto laugh.

"Did you guys know that Haru likes somebody?" Kyoko says suddenly. Haru whips her head looking mortified and hisses 'Kyoko-chan!' "Is that so?" Yamamoto asks in a curious tone. Gokudera shoves his hands into his pockets. "What are you talking about baseball-idiot? We all know that she's always liked Juudaime." Kyoko shakes her head excitedly and says "Oh, no. She doesn't like Tsuna-kun. Haru likes someone else. His name is-"

"**Kyoko-chan!" **

Kyoko stops herself and giggles. Haru buries her head in her hands and Gokudera and Yamamoto share a surprised look.

"Someone…"

"Else?"

Tsuna doesn't say anything. He doesn't know what to say. What is he supposed to say? "Ah, that's too bad, Tsuna." Yamamoto says, patting Tsuna's shoulder. "Don't worry about it, Juudaime. You're much cooler than whoever she likes." Gokudera tells him. Tsuna waves his hands back and forth, shaking his head. "Oh, no…It doesn't bother me. Don't worry about it."

Haru is glaring at Gokudera and he glares right back at her. "Sasuke-kun is very cool!" She tells him, sounding indignant. Gokudera's eyebrows arch. "Sasuke? Who's Sasuke? I've never heard of him." Yamamoto puts a finger to his head. "I've never heard of that name before…He doesn't live in Namimori, does he?"

Haru looks beet red and admonished and Tsuna thinks that he's never seen her look so embarrassed before. "N-No, he doesn't live in Namimori…_Anyways! _You guys can't tell anyone, okay?" Yamamoto nods. "Of course! It's a secret!" Gokudera merely rolls his eyes and mutters that he doesn't even care about whatshisname. And Tsuna…

Tsuna still doesn't know what to say.

He really doesn't know what to say.

'Congrats, Haru. I hope you'll be happy with Sasuke. Whoever he is.' 'Be careful with the guys you choose, Haru.' He doesn't know what to say. There are too many possible choices and they all feel wrong. Tsuna just feels worried. Who is this Sasuke person? What kind of person is this Sasuke person? Nice? Mean? Is he rude? Is he standoffish? Is he cool? Is he dorky? Is he nice to Haru? Tsuna tells himself that he wouldn't have to worry about this Sasuke person if Haru had never stopped liking him in the first place.

"I have some money, I can go. Tsuna? Hey, Tsuna. You look kind of upset, what's wrong?"

Tsuna is brought out of his brooding thoughts and shakes his head. "Oh, nothing. I just…I was just spacing out. Sorry." "No problem. Haru and Kyoko said that they wanted to eat at a restaurant sometime next week. Gokudera and I are going to go-are you going to go too?" Tsuna is about to say that no, he's not going to go; he's much too busy nowadays. But just when he's about to say it, Tsuna catches Haru's eye.

She is looking at him (not with an entreating look or a beseeching manner) but she's just looking at him. It chills Tsuna for some reason. He knows that in the past, Haru would have begged him to go and she would've given him her best puppy-eyed expression and he would have given in. But it's not the past anymore. It's the present and in the present, Haru doesn't like him anymore. Tsuna looks away and tells Yamamoto that yes, he will go. Haru and the others smile and say that it's great but all Tsuna can do is think about past Haru.

Past Haru would've shrieked with glee and would've wrapped her arms tight around him and he would've pushed her away with an exasperated 'Haru!'

And Present Haru just smiles and doesn't move. She doesn't touch him and there is no need for Tsuna to push her away or yell her name.

Tsuna wonders if this is what people call regret. And then he shakes his head and scolds himself because he has **nothing **to regret. He has nothing to regret, because the one he likes is Kyoko, not Haru.

And the one Haru likes is Sasuke.

Not him.

"Sasuke-kun is a person who's hard to understand. He has everything he wants right at home, but he doesn't even want that. He's always causing so much trouble for people that care about him! He's infuriating, Kyoko-chan, _infuriating. _Oh but still…I really like him. I've liked him since the moment I met him. It doesn't make sense, but I like him even though he makes me _so _upset."

Tsuna exchanges glances with Yamamoto and Gokudera and feels relieved to know that he is not the only one who feels awkward at Haru's rambling speech about her precious 'Sasuke-kun.' Tsuna thinks that it's the first time he's ever heard Haru fawn over a male who's not him. It feels…awkward. Much to Tsuna's surprise, Kyoko doesn't seem to feel uncomfortable at all. She looks relaxed and in her element. _Probably because she's a girl too, _Tsuna thinks to himself.

"What is Sasuke-san like?" Tsuna hears Kyoko asking.

"Oh that's easy. Sasuke-kun is hard to understand. He's dark and scary sometimes, and he's quiet…No, not quiet. Reserved? He's…He's kind of like Hibari-san! But Sasuke-kun is also very vulnerable. He doesn't show it, but I think he's shaken inside. I'll continue to like him no matter what, no matter what people say." Gokudera tilts his head and frowns. "Which means…If this Sasuke is like Hibari…then doesn't that mean that you like Hibari?" Haru recoils at Gokudera's words and shakes her head. "No! Never! I mean, not that Hibari-san is a bad person. Not that liking Hibari-san would be a bad thing or anything…But Hibari-san isn't Sasuke-kun. Sasuke-kun is-"

"Yes, yes, we got it already. Sasuke-_kun_ is talented and beautiful and oh so special. We got the picture. Just don't talk about him again; I'm getting sick of hearing his name." Gokudera interrupts with a drawl. Haru huffs and mutters that Sasuke-kun indeed beautiful and talented and special but she doesn't mention 'Sasuke-kun' again. Tsuna stares at the cups on the table until the image of clear glass is burned into his mind.

Talented.

(Something he will never be.)

Beautiful.

(Tsuna resists the urge to laugh.)

Special.

(He was special once upon a time.)

Tsuna bangs his hands on the table and nearly snarls from frustration. He's getting upset and he doesn't even know why. But Tsuna knows that ever since Haru's liked Sasuke-(kun, can't forget the kun, right?) she's kept her distance and that distance irritates him for some reason. The fact that he's irritated about that makes him feel irritated at himself. Why? Why should he feel irritated? Tsuna remembers vividly all the times he thought to himself how _nice _it'd be if Haru backed off and gave him some space once in a while.

But that was before (Sasuke-kun) showed up and made everything complicated.

"Tsuna-san."

Tsuna is jolted back to reality and sees his friends' worried eyes trained on him. "Is something wrong, Tsuna?" Yamamoto asks. "Uh…no, nothing's wrong." Tsuna says quickly. Yamamoto looks at Tsuna with calculating eyes that make Tsuna feel uncomfortable. To Tsuna, Yamamoto is a precious friend who is always easy, outgoing and friendly and clueless. But then there are moments that remind Tsuna that there is more to Yamamoto. Tsuna thinks the serious expression on his friend's face doesn't fit a carefree person like Yamamoto at all. Yamamoto slowly leans left and right before turning to Haru.

"Hey, Haru. Can I ask you something?" "S-Sure." Haru sounds unsure when she focuses her eyes from Tsuna to Yamamoto. "How special is this Sasuke person? Is there something he can do really well that no one else can do?" Haru responds immediately.

"He can utilize fire to his will."

"_What?" _Kyoko, Gokudera, Yamamoto and Tsuna all stare at Haru. Tsuna looks down at his hands. He can't even count the times he's used his hands to shoot X-Burners. "Oh wait, no. Tsuna-san can use fire too. It's not really fire though…It's more like will being solidified, right? But I guess it's close enough to fire. Well, Sasuke-kun can manipulate fire more than Tsuna-san can. Let's see…Sasuke-kun can also manipulate lightning. He uses lightning more than fire... Oh but something special about Sasuke-kun that no one else can _ever _imitate is his eyes. He has the Sharingan. Sasuke-kun's eyes are usually black, but when he uses the Sharingan, his eyes turn red. It's kind of like Tsuna-san's eyes, except Tsuna-san's eyes turn orange…"

"What's Sasuke's last name?" Tsuna asks suddenly. "Eh? Uchiha. Sasuke-kun's full name is Uchiha Sasuke." Tsuna sighs and takes a sip of water before reaching for his wallet. As he takes out money from his brown wallet, Tsuna's eyes meet Haru's. He takes his cup and drains all the water in it before placing the money on the table.

"So basically, Uchiha Sasuke is better than me in every way, right?"

Tsuna takes in Haru's profile-the look of her shocked expression, her open mouth and apprehensive eyes before leaving the restaurant. The minute he steps out into cool air and pitch-black darkness, Tsuna slumps. He doesn't know what made him say those words. He doesn't know why Haru's eyes are burning themselves into his mind.

Tsuna musters all the resolve his body contains at the moment and reaches for the stars. He's not surprised when he realizes that he can't touch them.

* * *

After weeks and weeks of Sasuke-kun this, Sasuke-kun that, Tsuna locks himself in his room. He thinks and thinks. He racks his brain for answers and slowly, the answers come to him.

He dislikes Uchiha Sasuke.

Haru doesn't like him anymore.

He misses Haru.

His eyes jolt open. Tsuna grabs at his mind and it tells him that he misses Haru. Tsuna fights back and vehemently tells it that he has no reason to miss Haru because she's not a hundred miles away from him; he sees her on a daily basis. His mind laughs at him and tells Tsuna that he misses the old Haru who always clung to him and proclaimed that she would become his wife one day.

Tsuna scoffs but in the end, he's on the floor and on his knees and he admits it to himself.

He misses Haru.

So _frickin' _much.

He misses her loud greetings (Hello, Tsuna-san!) He misses Haru's goodbye hugs and hello hugs and no-reason hugs. He misses pushing her away. He misses the adoring look in her eyes. Haru is still loud as ever, but it's not the same. She's different around him now. She's quieter. Tsuna wonders to himself if her behavior around him had been an act all along. It doesn't matter, because the Miura Haru that liked him once upon a time doesn't like him anymore.

Realization hits him and Tsuna flops to the floor. He has never been one to lie to himself. He gives in and accepts the truth. His brown eyes feel like they are burning and Tsuna laughs. It's not a happy laugh. It's not a sad laugh. It's a laugh that laughs at his idiocy.

He doesn't like Kyoko anymore. He likes her but...not the way he used to. Kyoko, who had once made his world bright with her smiles and warm kindness, doesn't light it up anymore.

(Since when?)

…He likes Haru. Haru who's loud and eccentric and-(his breath stops)-crazy about Uchiha Sasuke-(kun.)

(Since when?)

Tsuna tries to imagine a made-up fantasy world where Haru likes him again. She smiles brighter than anyone else when she seems him. She whispers in his ear that she likes him and that one day, she **will **marry him. The Miura Haru of that world showers her affections on only one person and the Sawada Tsunayoshi of that world embraces her and never lets her go.

A smile appears on his face as he dreams of that world.

* * *

Tsuna finds himself getting more and more drawn to Haru while she gets farther and farther away from him. He notices little things, precious things that make her all the more special to him.

When Haru buys the groceries she needs, she always buys fruit. Apples, oranges, bananas, kiwis, grapefruit, cherries; anything. But Tsuna knows that Haru isn't too crazy about apples or bananas or grapefruit or cherries. She loves oranges. That's observation number one.

Despite her brazen and confident behavior, Haru is actually an unsure individual. Tsuna notices that when Haru is nervous or scared, she will act even more exuberantly than she usually does. She will yell out nonsensical words devoid of any common sense when she's embarrassed. That's observation number two.

Haru has a small, tiny mole on the lower left side of her neck. The mole is small and hard to see since it's not placed in a spot that would be easy to see, but it's still there. That's observation number three.

Haru loves to write. She writes letters to herself, to her friends, to her family; anyone. That's observation number four.

Haru loves fruit, but she hates vegetables. Tsuna rarely sees any vegetables in her shopping cart when he sees her at the market. Her nose crinkles when she sees vegetables. That's observation number four.

Haru loves to sing. When she sings, her voice always warbles when it comes to the lower notes but comes out strong when it comes to higher-pitched notes. That's observation number five.

Haru smiles for no reason. She will smile at anything at the most random moments. Tsuna's seen her smile countless times at a napkin, at a bowl, at a street, at a window-the list is endless. That's observation number six.

Haru mouths words to herself and carves and writes all sort of unseen words and patterns on the air's surface. She does it especially when doing a math problem or when she's by herself. That's observation number seven.

Haru may be smart, but she hates math. She cringes and shakes her head when she sees calculators or anything math-related. That's observation number eight.

There is an exception to observation number eight. Haru doesn't cringe or shake her head when she's looking at prices of this and that at the places she goes to stop. That's observation number nine.

When Haru gets off vehicles of any kind, she taps the very tip of her right shoe against the ground before moving on. That's observation number ten.

Haru always carries hand sanitizer with her. She always pulls out a bottle of hand sanitizer when Lambo and I-pin are done playing at the park. That's observation number eleven.

Haru's hands are not small and ladylike. Her pinky is extremely slender and the rest of her fingers are not as slender. But they are not pudgy. They're just right. They are a perfect size. That's observation number twelve.

If Haru sees a container of soap and a source of clean water, she will immediately form a bubble with her hands. She always needs to make two separate bubbles and she always needs to mold the two bubbles together before she is completely satisfied. She doesn't stop until she completes this process. That's observation thirteen.

Haru tends to shimmy a lot. She dances and waltzes when she walks-she doesn't walk like the average person. When she walks, she _moves. _That's observation fourteen.

Haru and umbrellas do not click. When it rains, Haru doesn't have her umbrella and when it's not raining, a red umbrella is in her grasp. That's observation fifteen.

If Haru's hand comes into contact with a solid surface, whether it is horizontally or vertically placed, she will tap out a rhythm. Tsuna has seen her rap out countless rhythms on countless surfaces too many times too count. That's observation sixteen.

When Haru talks about Sasuke-(kun,) she sounds happy but she doesn't look happy. Her voice sounds happy, but the look in her eyes says something else. Her eyes look worried and scared when she talks about her Sasuke-(kun.) But there's something else too. There is adoration in her eyes, adoration for Uchiha Sasuke-(kun,) not Sawada Tsunayoshi. …That's observation number seventeen.

Haru's dimples are unique. When she smiles at people she's not too close with, it's hard to see her dimples. But when she's surrounded by people she really loves and knows, her dimples are obvious and as bright as an afternoon sun. That's observation eighteen.

Haru loves hugs. She hugs everyone, regardless of who they are. When she hugs, her hands brush against the person's sides before locking themselves around the person's waist. When she's happy, her hugs are light and steady. But when she's upset, she will hug tight. She won't let go. That's observation nineteen.

Tsuna is sure that he'll notice more of Haru's quirks and habits as time goes on. The only thing that frustrates him is that he could've learned these special little things earlier.

* * *

One day, Tsuna walks to the park by himself. There is no one with him-no Gokudera, no Yamamoto, no Lambo and no I-pin. It is one of those rare days. When he goes to the park, he's usually accompanied by someone else. But this time, he goes alone. He walks and expects to have the park to himself, but Tsuna is proven wrong when he sees **her** on a swing all alone.

Haru.

For once, she is alone. She swings herself half-heartedly before gazing at the sky. Tsuna takes in this rare side of Haru that he rarely sees. Haru is the type of person who's always talking and blabbering and laughing and screaming and giggling and cooing and fawning about something and for once…

She is silent. Her legs are planted firmly to the ground and her arms are grazing the chinks of metal that hold up the swing. Her neck is buried in a red scarf (red as Gokudera's storm flames, Tsuna thinks.) Her face is tilted upwards and Tsuna resists the urge to wrap his arms around her. But if he did that, Haru would…Tsuna is dumbfounded. What would she do? In the past, she would've shrieked with delight and enveloped him in her arms. But the Haru he's looking at now seems like a different person. He doesn't know what she'll do.

It's funny, because Tsuna has always thought that he knew Haru.

"Tsuna-san."

Tsuna blinks and he sees Haru looking at him with her wide chocolate brown eyes (they're so brown that he thinks that he might drown in them.) He waves at her. "Haru, what are you doing here all by yourself?" He asks. Haru shrugs. "Oh…you know. A girl needs to have some time alone here and then. What are _you _doing here?" Haru counters. Tsuna studies the ring on his finger.

"I don't know. A guy needs to have some alone time here and then."

They're quiet for a minute and a voice in the back of Tsuna's mind tells him that something is eating at Haru. "Is…something wrong?" He asks. Haru shrugs. "Not really. Life is good. I have friends and food and family and a home. No one's died. My family doesn't have any money problems. Life is satisfactory for me. How about you, Tsuna-san?" Tsuna thinks hard before answering. "Well, I think life is okay at the moment. I have friends and food and family and a home. No one's died. My family doesn't have any money problems either. Life is…okay." _That's a lie, _Tsuna thinks to himself. _Life is okay, but it doesn't feel right. _He focuses on Haru's face and sighs.

_It's because of you._

"Tsuna-san, I've been thinking lately," Haru says loudly. "I think Aphrodite must hate me. She either hates me or has a great interest in me." "Aphrodite? Isn't she some sort of Goddess?" Tsuna asks. He's heard that name before somewhere. "Yeah. She's the Greek Goddess of Love." Something in Tsuna's throat tightens when he hears the word 'love' pass Haru's lips. "Oh…Well, why do you think that she hates you? Or rather, why do you think she has a great interest in you?"

"**Because,**" Haru says, sounding angry. "Because I'm a fool. When I like someone, I always have a rival. There are lots of people who adore Sasuke-kun and there are lots of people who hate him. In his eyes, I would be a fan girl. I guess I am. I mean, I know him, but he barely knows me. He doesn't even know me. He's not even…He's not even…And when I liked you-" An uncomfortable expression appears on Haru's appearance and she stops. Tsuna silently begs Haru to continue, to tell him what made her stop liking him. _And when you liked me…?_

"And when I liked you, I wasn't good enough. No matter what I did, I wasn't good enough. But I don't blame you. You like Kyoko-chan and Kyoko-chan's pretty amazing. She's nice and pretty and smart and well-mannered and ladylike. And you two looked good together. I mean, you guys still do. So, when I found Sasuke-kun, I decided that I would like him instead."

Tsuna notices that Haru's voice is softer, much softer than when she first started talking. What is he supposed to say to her? "Haru," he manages to say at last. "I think you're uh…I think you're amazing too. You're smart-you went to Midori! It's a hard school to get into. You're a nice person. You're pretty…pretty. And uh, you're…Uh…Ladylike and well-mannered too…" Tsuna's voice trails off and he swallows hard. He feels uncomfortable. He feels…awkward. Tsuna shudders and feels a pit of dread when Haru starts to laugh.

Really, really hard.

"You're so funny sometimes, Tsuna-san! I've never heard you sound so awkward before! And what? Ladylike? _Well-mannered? _Me? Never! I…Oh, I'm sorry, Tsuna-san." Tsuna hears Haru's laugh reduce itself to a few chuckles before she clears her throat. "But still, it means a lot. Thank you, Tsuna-san. It was sweet of you to say." And she smiles at him with that wide smile of hers and Tsuna's heart pounds hard.

He forgets how to breathe. Tsuna sees a mix of dimples and chocolate brown taking over his vision before he says, "No, it was no problem." They continue to talk and Tsuna finds himself sitting on the swing next to the one Haru's sitting on. He learns that she really looks up to Bianchi. When he asks why, Haru lists off the reasons one by one.

Bianchi is beautiful. Bianchi is kind. Bianchi is cool and charismatic. Bianchi is a strong and avid believer of love, and Haru admires her even more for that. But what stands out the most is Bianchi's ability to fight. Haru is jealous and in awe of Bianchi's fighting abilities.

Tsuna tells her that fighting isn't easy and Haru tells him that she knows that. They don't linger on the topic and move onto other things because Haru knows that Tsuna doesn't like the idea of her and Kyoko fighting and Tsuna knows that he will never forgive himself if he lets Haru learn how to fight. He doesn't want to tell Haru that once she learns how to fight, she'll have to keep fighting. He doesn't want her to know ugly fighting is. Tsuna tells himself that he'll never let her go through that burden.

Haru asks him who he looks up to and Tsuna answers that he looks up to Vongola Primo, the first Boss and founder of the Vongola Famiglia that Tsuna will be in charge of when he's older. He tells Haru of all the encounters he's had with Primo and how much he admires his ancestor. Haru shakes her head at him when he tells her this. "That's honestly amazing. But Tsuna-san, you have another person that you look up to. You look up to Reborn-chan!"

Tsuna shakes his head and says that he'd never look up to Reborn, not in a thousand years, but he knows that Haru's right. Reborn changed his life; changed **him.** Words would never be able to explain how much Reborn had done for him. Haru and Tsuna continue to talk. Through their conversations, they come to learn a little bit more about each other.

Tsuna tells her that he's a little scared of being the Boss of such an old and well-known Famiglia, but tells her that he won't run from his fate. Haru smiles and tells him that she knows that he'll be the best Boss ever. She tells him that she's always seen him as a fantastic leader.

Haru tells him how much she loves children. She tells him about how she sometimes views Lambo and I-pin as her own children and tells him not to tell anyone. Haru tells him that one of her life-long goals is to become a mother of at least two children. Tsuna smiles and tells her that she'll make a good mother. He knows that she'll be a great mother someday.

When they go home, the two seventeen year olds are wearing gentle smiles.

* * *

Just as Tsuna turns on the television to play a video game, he gets a call. He sees a number and the words below the number and he picks up immediately.

It's Haru.

"Hey Haru. What's up?" He says as he rifles through a couple of games. Tsuna finally narrows down his choices to two games and debates if he should play this game or that game. "My grandmother…""Your grandmother?" Tsuna asks absent-mindedly. He frowns and goes back to his pile of video games. Didn't he used to have a really fun game…?

"My grandmother-grandmother…My grandmother got drugged and she got robbed!"

Tsuna goes still and the video games in his hands clatter to the floor. _What…? _All his focus and concentration is on Haru now. "Haru, what are you talking about? You're…You're joking, right?" He's dumbfounded. Tsuna hears her laughing on the other line and thinks that _oh, it was just a joke after all-_but he realizes that she's crying. She sounds like she's crying.

Haru is crying.

Tsuna's face turns solemn and his voice is urgent. "Haru, what happened to your grandmother?" There is another burst of sobs on the other end and Tsuna feels as if someone is grabbing and squeezing his heart. The sound of her crying shakes him. "My grandmother got…" And everything is mumbled and jumbled and all Tsuna can make out is 'robbed,' 'drugged,' and 'gone.' Tsuna shakes his head and tells Haru to speak up and speak clearly.

"My grandmother…Some people…Some men came into her house and they drugged her and when she woke up…When-when she woke up, everything was **gone. **Everything is gone and she doesn't remember what happened that well. Tsuna-san, I'm scared! I'm scared and worried and…" Haru breaks off and Tsuna can only hear Haru blubbering uncontrollably. He swallows hard and tells himself to keep his calm.

"Haru…Haru, listen to me! Did she call the police? You have to call the police and you have to calm down. Don't cry; I'm sure everything will work out. Haru, are you listening?" Tsuna realizes that Haru can't hear him. She hears him but nothing's processing in her mind. She's wailing at the top of her lungs and Tsuna resists the urge to clamp his hands against his ears. It's not because she sounds noisy. It's because it hurts to hear her cry. Tsuna has never heard her cry before and he feels raw and vulnerable. Tsuna winces as he hears the sound of the phone dropping.

"Haru? Haru? Haru, are you okay?"

"Tsunayoshi-kun. This is Haru's father. Haru can't…talk right now. She'll call you later." And with that, the phone is dead and the conversation is over. Tsuna stares at the television screen. Haru's grandmother was robbed and drugged. He punches the floor. Tsuna tries to tell himself that these sort of things are supposed to only happen in movies and dramas-they're not supposed to happen in real life. But they do, and Tsuna's view of the world is crushed and reformed and revised. It hurts.

At ten o'clock, Tsuna's phone vibrates and he picks it up right away. It's a text from Haru. His eyes skim over the words and he sighs.

_Hi, Tsuna-san . Sorry about earlier. I just freaked out…I'm calmer now. Sorry for bothering you. _

Tsuna's hands clench the phone and he quickly types out a message.

_It's okay, Haru. Don't mind it. I hope your grandmother's okay. You didn't bother me before. Just call me if you need me. _

**Just call if you need me. **

…She never calls.

* * *

Tsuna sees Haru at the park the next day. She is on the swings and her eyes are puffy and her skin is splotchy and pale. Haru doesn't look happy or lively at all. She looks tired. Tsuna approaches her with slow footsteps and murmurs her name. When she looks up, Tsuna feels as if lightning has struck him. Haru looks defeated. He's never seen her look like that anymore. "How is your grandmother?"

Haru shrugs. "She's okay…But everything she had is gone. She's staying at an aunt's house for the time being. Luckily, my family is really close with the neighbors next door and they're detectives! Dad and the neighbors are going to Grandmother's house to check things out…Ah. I bothered you last night, didn't I? I really freaked out and before I knew it, I ended up calling you and-" Tsuna places a hand on Haru's shoulder and she freezes.

"Haru, do you know that you're trembling right now?"

Tsuna's mouth curves downwards in a solemn line. He grabs Haru and envelops her in a tight hug. Haru goes still and Tsuna bites his lip, hoping that she won't push her away. Haru feels soft and small and delicate in his arms. "You went through a lot, Haru. You didn't bother me." A choked sound escapes from Haru's mouth and it grows into a sob.

She grabs at his shirt and cries hard. Tsuna knows that what Haru needs is a person to lean on; a person she can hug. Words won't be able to do anything for her. She cries and wets his shirt with her tears and he pats her head and whispers that it'll be okay. Seconds and minutes pass. Haru still cries and Tsuna still comforts her. Haru stops crying and Tsuna hears whimpers and hiccups escaping from Haru's mouth. "Thank you," she whispers in a hoarse voice. "Thank you, Tsuna-san." Tsuna swallows hard when Haru pulls away to look at him. Her face is so close that he can practically feel her soft breathing. _Too close…_

Haru's grip on his shirt is tight.

"Tsuna-san, you know I…About Sasuke-kun…It's not really…Always…" Haru's eyes close and she leans against Tsuna. Tsuna sighs and carries her to a bench. She rests and he watches till the sky is dipped in the end, he never gets to learn what Haru wanted to say about Sasuke-(kun.)

* * *

"Tsuna-san! Look at those shoes! Aren't they gorgeous?"

Tsuna deflates inside and stares at the shoes in the shop's window. They look…brown. Brown with black laces. They seem all right. They don't look gorgeous to him. They look fancy. "Uh, they look great." Tsuna manages to say. Haru shakes her head at him before continuing to admire the shoes. Tsuna doesn't understand why Haru likes the shoes. They're just shoes, right? But men are different from women, so Tsuna supposes that there must be a reason why Haru likes them.

"I don't like them just because they're pretty," Haru tells him. "Shoes like those actually hurt quite a bit." Tsuna frowns. "Then why do you want them?" Haru smiles and taps her fingers on the surface of the glass pane. "I like the sound they make. You know; that click-clack sound. Click. Clack. Click. Clack. I like that sound. It sounds…It's hard to explain, but I really like it. Is that strange?"

"No, I don't think so. It's something you like, so why should that be strange?"

Haru stared at him before breaking into a happy grin. "Yeah, I suppose you're right." Tsuna looks at the window and deflates. A_s long as you're not crying, it doesn't matter if what you like is strange. As long as you're happy, that's fine with me._

Weeks later, Tsuna sees Haru at the park again. She's sitting on the ground, a few feet away from the swings. Her head is tilted up towards the sky. When he's nearly a foot away from her, Haru looks at him right in the face. "Hello, Tsuna-san. How are you?" Tsuna takes a minute and looks inside himself. He's…fine. "I'm good. You?" Haru stays silent for a while before tilting her head side to side. "Hmm…I'm not sure. Tsuna-san, do you remember what I told you about Aphrodite?" _Does he?_

He looks back at the memory and says that yes, he does. How could he ever forget? That was the first time Haru had ever seriously, honestly told him about her past feelings. "Well…I think Aphrodite's telling me that it's useless to like Sasuke-kun at this point." Tsuna feels a jolt run through his body and tries to restrain the feelings that are bubbling inside him.

He's nervous.

He's…happy.

He's wondering.

Why?

"Why is that, Haru? Haven't you been talking on and on about how much you like Sasuke-kun?"

Haru taps her chin and slowly nods. "Well, that's true. I like Sasuke-kun." All the excitement in Tsuna's body fades away after hearing her words. "Haru, you're confusing me." Haru laughs. "Well, I do like him. But it's not like I love him or anything. It's impossible. After all…"

Tsuna sees her mouth moving and time stops.

_What?_

He laughs to himself inside his mind.

_It's too ridiculous. _

Laughing is one of the first signs of shock.

"Sasuke-kun is just an anime character. Well, he is a character from a manga too so he's an anime/manga character. That should be right."

Tsuna is…well, there's no way to mince words. He's shocked. All this time, he was jealous of a cartoon. It's too ridiculous. "So…all the things you said…?" Tsuna's voice trails off. His body is still processing the truth about Sasuke-(kun) but his mind is already making conclusions. "They're true. He's the last Uchiha. Sasuke-kun possess the Sharingan. He can use fire and lightning. Everything I said is true, Tsuna-san. It's not like I lied or anything. But he's really infuriating! He's so good looking, and yet he has the ability to piss off so many fans-!"

Tsuna grabs Haru's hand and looks at her in the eye. "So basically, I was jealous of an anime character this whole time?" "Tsuna-san, Sasuke-kun isn't just an anime character, he's…Hahi. Tsuna-san, you just said that you were jealous!" Part of Tsuna is screaming and telling him to _shut up _but the other half tells him to confess to Haru all the words and thoughts he's been harboring ever since Sasuke-(kun) came along. He doesn't where this courage is coming from, but Tsuna knows that he'll take this courage and use it.

"When Bianchi and my Mom were saying that you liked another guy, I thought that was okay. But then, when I heard you talking more about this…Sasuke, I got really upset. I got jealous, okay? I didn't like the fact that you were looking at someone else. I like you. I think you're womanly and amazing and…it took me a really long time to realize that I like you, not Kyoko-chan. I might have liked her once, but I don't anymore. I like you, Haru. I like you a lot. Wait, Haru, are you laughing?!"

Sure enough, Haru is laughing as if Tsuna had told her the funniest joke of the century. Tsuna slams his fists onto the ground. "Y-You, _Haru! _I'm being serious. Do you know how much trouble you caused me these past months? I wasn't able to do anything while you were talking on and on about Sasuke. It-It was aggravating!" Haru bursts into laughter and Tsuna is dumbfounded. "Why are you laughing?" Tsuna secretly wonders if Haru's laughing at his feelings and immediately recoils at the thought.

"I'm laughing because I'm happy, Tsuna-san."

Tsuna sees Haru's eyes welling up with tears, but there's a radiant smile on her face that makes him want to yell for joy. "Tsuna-san, do you know how much I've wanted to hear those words all these years? I'm really happy. Tsuna-san, you're so dumb! I can't believe it. You only realized you liked me when I said I liked someone else and…I shouldn't be so happy!" Tsuna feels elated. Haru still likes him. He grabs Haru and hugs her tight.

"I'm sorry. But, I'm here now, aren't I? I promise that I'll make up for all the years that I hurt you. I like you a lot, Haru." Haru bursts into tears and wraps her arms around Tsuna. Tsuna thinks to himself that this is the first time he's ever been so happy to be in someone's embrace. A few moments later, Haru tilts her head towards his ear. "You know, Tsuna-san, I started paying more attention to Sasuke-kun because I wanted to stop liking you. But, I don't think I need to look at him anymore."

Tsuna's pride yowls to the sky when he hears those words.

* * *

When Tsuna abashedly announces that he and Haru are dating, he's slapped across the face by Bianchi, kicked in the shins by Reborn and congratulated by everyone else.

"This is the power of love! It's about time that you realized! Listen well, Tsuna, if you love Haru, you won't ever hurt her, understand? If you do…"

"Yes, Bianchi."

"Dame-Tsuna. Are you really my student? I would've made my move a long time ago. This is why you're so hopeless…"

"Don't talk about Haru as if she's a chess game! What do you mean by moves, Reborn?" Tsuna feels agitated. This wasn't the reaction he'd been thinking of…An evil smirk appears on Reborn's face. "Do you really want me to explain?" Tsuna makes a face. _That Reborn…!_

"Juudaime, I don't really feel right about this…woman being your wife." Tsuna's face goes red and when he looks to his left, Haru looks just as embarrassed as him. "Wha-It's nothing like that! We're not married yet, we're just dating for now!" Kyoko leans in and taps a slim finger to her chin. Her eyes are wide with delight. "Tsuna-kun, you said that you two weren't married _yet_…Does that mean you're planning to marry her?"

Tsuna lets out a frustrated yell and runs out of the house with Haru's hand closely intertwined with his. He finally slows down once he and Haru are a reasonable distance away from his house. Haru's hands are on his hips and Tsuna freezes."Sorry, Haru," he pants. "It just felt…For some reason, it felt like they were ganging up on me." Haru glances at Tsuna with bashful eyes. "More importantly, there's something else I want to ask you about. Tsuna-san, what did you mean when you said 'we're not married yet?''" Tsuna cradles Haru's head with his hands. "One step at a time, Haru." Haru nods and looks up at him with warm eyes. "One step at a time."

That night, Tsuna finds himself reaching for the stars.

…

He's finally able to touch them.

* * *

"Tsuna-san, since you're my boyfriend, you have to know about the things I like! I'll tell you about the world of anime! Sasuke-kun is a character from Naruto! He used to live in Konoha, but-" Tsuna clamps a hand over Haru's mouth and looks at her with stern eyes. "I don't want to hear about that guy again. Not now, not ever."

He kisses her and feels soft, gentle warmth seeping into him.

When they finally break away, Haru looks at him with stubborn eyes. "Then, can I talk about Itachi or Neji-?" "No! Haru, you do realize that I just kissed you, right? Oh my gosh, I _kissed _you! " "Tsuna-san, you make it sound like it's a bad thing!" "It's not! I liked it a lot-no, I mean, I liked it but...Don't make that face, Haru. I did like it, okay?" Haru's eyes light up and she leans in with a mischievous expression on her face. "You liked it? I'm sure you'll like learning about shippings even more!" Tsuna makes a face but his eyes are smiling at hers. "No way, Haru."

"You said you want to learn about shippings? Alright, then let me teach you about SasuSaku! Sasu stands for Sasuke and Saku stands for Sakura. Sakura is the one who's meant for Sasuke-kun! But you know, there's lots of other pairings too. Like NaruHina and-!" Tsuna sighs. "I give up," he mutters before pulling Haru in for another kiss. "What am I going to do with you?" Their lips meet again and it feels warm and soft.

Haru blushes.

(Tsuna-san, that was my first kiss.)

Tsuna gives her a shy smile.

(I know. That was my first kiss too.)

They are happy.

"Wah, did you see that, Bianchi? What a monster my student is. He just kissed her without permission. It's a good thing that we were keeping an eye on them."

"_Reborn!"_

"Nice job, Haru! At this rate, you'll be making babies in no time!"

"_Bianchi-san!"_

.

.

Five later, they are happily married.

"Haru, do you know what Saudade is?" "No, I'm afraid I don't. Is it an Italian word?" He chuckles. "No, it's not. I'm not sure. You made me go through Saudade." Her nose scrunches. "I made you go through puberty?" Tsuna shakes his head vigorously at this. "No! Well...maybe. _Anyways, _what I really wanted to ask was if you still remembered that...Uchiha person."

"Ah, Sasuke-kun!"

"Uh, yeah. Him. Well...it's kind of weird to say this now but I think that if you had never told me about the Uchiha Sasuke person, I would've probably never realized that I liked you." Haru sighs and buries her head in her pillow. "Tsuna-san, this is not exactly what brides want to hear on their wedding night." "I-I was scared that I was going to lose you at that time. Saudade is...It's a kind of emotion. You start missing something that's gone missing, or someone that's gone missing. I thought I was going to lose your affection at the time. So, I'm saying this now. You can't ever look at any other man, alright?" Haru looks up from her pillow and warms Tsuna to his stomach with a light peck.

"I can't love anyone besides you, Tsuna-san."

Their hands reach out for each other.

"I love you, Haru."

They're happy.

**.**

**.**

**.**

**They're in love.**

**.**

**.**

**.**

**Hopelessly, hopelessly in love.**

**.**

**.**

**They'll never have to miss each other again.**

**...**

(Finally.)

* * *

A/N: ITSADONE. Finally. I think this is a record...I've never written so much in one week. I was giggling this whole time while writing I was working on this story. I couldn't help myself. Naruto and Katekyo Hitman Reborn…I just had to combine them together. I like the way it seemed in the beginning but the ending just seems…Blargh. Well, this was a good warm-up for the new stories I'll be releasing. I haven't been posting anything at all because of school and music and all these wonderful stressful things, but I plan on updating soon. I miss writing about my favorite pairing. I hope you enjoyed reading Saudade.


End file.
